Interesting... in a way that's not.
I was going to make a big post about how my dentist appointment went and how my meeting with the kid's TAG teacher went but then I got... well, read my last real post. Kinda like that again.
So I'll run through that stuff quickly and then move on to my psychosis.
The dentist appointment was a regularly scheduled cleaning with annual xrays. I'd been having some dental pain in the past couple of weeks (what's new, right?) so I mentioned that. The hygienist told me the same thing she always says: my gums are in good health, my teeth had very little plaque buildup, it looks like I take pretty good care of them. The only thought that leaves me with is that all of my dental issues must be because my teeth hate me and are engaged in a conspiracy against me. I have to go back on June 5th to get something scraped, something smoothed and to let them "root around" in one of my teeth and "see what's in there." Yes, the dreaded RC was mentioned as a possibility if she doesn't like what she sees.
Then I had a meeting with the kid's TAG teacher and core studies teaching team. It went quite well. They were concerned about a couple of things with her but after meeting me they were reassured. They were thinking that some of her more quirky behaviors were due to her being under some kind of stress or something. They really had no idea how to explain it. After talking with me for a while one of the teachers said Vicki was like a mini-me. They said that some of the things I said and did were exactly like how she did them. Apparently she even does the weird eyeroll-y thing that I do when I'm trying to access information in my brain. So the teachers were reassured and I had it reaffirmed to me that my kid is both brilliant and quirky.
So there's that. Then we're back to this horrible sense of... nothingness that I have going on. I don't know how to explain it. Apparently I'm really good at acting normal (well, not "normal" but normal for me) since no one seems to notice that there is anything really odd going on with me. In a way that kind of makes me sad. No one in my life outside of my household knows me well enough to see the lie and even the family doesn't know what is really going on in my head.
I can think of all kinds of things that I would like to do or even should do but I can't seem to convince myself to actually do any of them. I'd rather just go to sleep. I have been having some excellent dreams lately and I'm getting really good at the trick of getting myself to fall back into the same dream if I happen to wake up at an inopportune moment. When I'm asleep my brain really seems to like me. When I'm awake I don't like me very much. Or at all.
I may go and raid the booze supply in the kitchen. I feel the need to numb my mind.
cross posted to my various journal homes
So I'll run through that stuff quickly and then move on to my psychosis.
The dentist appointment was a regularly scheduled cleaning with annual xrays. I'd been having some dental pain in the past couple of weeks (what's new, right?) so I mentioned that. The hygienist told me the same thing she always says: my gums are in good health, my teeth had very little plaque buildup, it looks like I take pretty good care of them. The only thought that leaves me with is that all of my dental issues must be because my teeth hate me and are engaged in a conspiracy against me. I have to go back on June 5th to get something scraped, something smoothed and to let them "root around" in one of my teeth and "see what's in there." Yes, the dreaded RC was mentioned as a possibility if she doesn't like what she sees.
Then I had a meeting with the kid's TAG teacher and core studies teaching team. It went quite well. They were concerned about a couple of things with her but after meeting me they were reassured. They were thinking that some of her more quirky behaviors were due to her being under some kind of stress or something. They really had no idea how to explain it. After talking with me for a while one of the teachers said Vicki was like a mini-me. They said that some of the things I said and did were exactly like how she did them. Apparently she even does the weird eyeroll-y thing that I do when I'm trying to access information in my brain. So the teachers were reassured and I had it reaffirmed to me that my kid is both brilliant and quirky.
So there's that. Then we're back to this horrible sense of... nothingness that I have going on. I don't know how to explain it. Apparently I'm really good at acting normal (well, not "normal" but normal for me) since no one seems to notice that there is anything really odd going on with me. In a way that kind of makes me sad. No one in my life outside of my household knows me well enough to see the lie and even the family doesn't know what is really going on in my head.
I can think of all kinds of things that I would like to do or even should do but I can't seem to convince myself to actually do any of them. I'd rather just go to sleep. I have been having some excellent dreams lately and I'm getting really good at the trick of getting myself to fall back into the same dream if I happen to wake up at an inopportune moment. When I'm asleep my brain really seems to like me. When I'm awake I don't like me very much. Or at all.
I may go and raid the booze supply in the kitchen. I feel the need to numb my mind.
cross posted to my various journal homes
disappointed
blah
amused
exhausted
lethargic
giddy